Birds, Bombs, and Ba-rang

On the third day of our travels (me with the staff) we were out in one of the provinces and it was time to stop for lunch. We  stopped early because the area we were heading wouldn't have any places to eat once we got out in the villages. We told the guy what we wanted and waited for our food. As we waited some of the staff wanted a light snack. The light snack was soup with beef. It smelled sort of good and as I was considering if I also wanted to get some one of the staff members started giving me a run down of what he was eating. Yes, there was beef in the soup...but not the part you might think. He held up some cow intestine and also pointed out the hoof. After this I didn't ask what other cow parts might be their soup.

Irish Cows...but you still get the idea

After they were done eating the guy who was educating me about his soup told me the guy cooking our food raised birds. So we walked to the back of the house and there was a small shack like building. It didn't really have walls and the ceiling was maybe 5 feet 7 inches. Under the roof, just after you cross the small trench filled with standing water and algae, were wire cages with birds. The smell of bird and poop was strong but I enjoyed seeing the little baby birds. The guy on my staff who was leading this tour was soon picking out which bird he wanted to have cooked up. The birds weren't quite Quails but smaller then Guinea Hens. As I walked in the small wooden structure I felt that two things were certain, 1. I was glad I had my tetanus shot up-dated before I left, and 2. that I would not be surprised if we all got the Avian flue by the end of the day.

Lunch time

After the bird was cooked and our meals packed up we headed out towards our destination. As we were driving along the single lane red dirt clay road the same staff member who had been telling me about his soup and showing us the birds started explaining that there were landmines all over in the area. Note to self, don't leave the vehicle. He pointed out one of the signs by the road that warns people not to venture into that part of the forest and fields. This lead into a discussion of the Khmer Rouge because they lived in this area, which is why it was bombed. Lovely. So being a "ba-rang" or foreigner meant that if our car found a crack in time on this road and we jumped backwards 30 year...well I would be dead. This became a topic of discussion which I let play out, not having brought it up myself. (Not so wise to jump in on a war you weren't a part of and when both people discussing it lived through it). One staff member said I would be safe and the other said I would be killed. I thought to myself...is this really happening and why isn't anyone else here with me to hear this?

Don't tread on me

My conclusion at the end of the day was that if I could survive the birds and bombs, in the end it might have been the Khmer Rouge who would have gotten me. I think this is the highest number and strangest ways I could die...all in one day. I guess I just live life on the edge here :) But also a small glimpse into how I never know exactly what will happen any given day when I am out and about in this beautiful country.

Lunch

So a couple weeks ago I was out with the staff for a few days. As we entered one of the cities it was close to lunch time. Here lunch is a very serious affair, one eats and then takes a nap for a little while. The average time for lunch is 1.5 to 2 hours. I usually eat at the Khmer restaurants with my staff and typically am eating something familiar (well familiar after living here for 7 months). As we were driving through the city one of the guys told me they would be dropping me off at a more western restaurant for lunch and would come pick me up later. I was puzzled why he would be saying this and asked him jokingly if he was trying to get rid of me. He laughed and then said he was concerned for my stomach and I assured him I have eaten at places similar to what ever the driver was going to pick. He still tried talking me out of it until I assured him I appreciated his concern for my gut but I would be fine.

The rest of the day went on as planned, meeting with various organizations to do some networking with a new staff hire. It was the next day as we were driving that the truth about lunch the previous day was exposed. The guy who seemed to be concerned for my tummy confessed that they had wanted to go eat at a restaurant that served dog meat. I laughed because I told him I knew he was trying to get rid of me. And I asked why they hadn't just told me that. I'm not sure I would be ready to eat some Fido but I'm up for different experiences while here. (you can judge me all you want for considering eating dog, but after 7 months things that seem different start to feel really normal) Of course I don't speak Khmer well enough to know that is what they were talking about in the car the day before. I think I should learn the word for dog.

Too cute to eat this dog ;)

That night for dinner I ate at a place known for their smoothies...wow, that is all I can say. I have never had such a good smoothie. Jack fruit with pineapple...my mouth is watering just thinking about it. A friend and I are hoping they open up more of these restaurants in our city!! 5 hours is a little too far to go just for a Smoothie :)

The city

I am trying to stay up to date with posting but being sick and not paying the Internet bill makes it a little hard :) So here are some pictures from around the city which I took in April when most people have left the city for the Khmer New Year. The one of the police cracks me up because that is pretty much what they do all day, sit on street corners pulling people over. I found out one girl got pulled over and all they wanted to know was if she was married. I really hope that if I get pulled over that is all they want to know. Welcome to the culture where everyone knows everything about your business.

Riverfront

Part of the Royal Palace

Independence Monument

The police hard at work

I am feeling much better and hope to post some of the stories from traveling with work earlier this month.

Bike

I have reached a new level of biking ability...riding through traffic while carrying in one hand a bag containing a cake. This coming from a girl who would never dream of taking her hands off her handle bars or riding super close to people. The only other event that has been a prequel to this feat would be the time I answered and talked on my cell phone while biking as well. Unfortunately I don't have a picture of either of these events. While I was carrying my cake due to lack of basket on my bike (visiting a friend in another city) she had two cakes balanced on her bike's basket as well.

The plan was to keep these cakes as safe as possible and get home as quick as possible because of the garnish on top and the heat. Now the next obvious questions is why I had this cake in the first place as well as why my friend had 2. We had the job of going to a bakery in town to get cakes at half off for a birthday party we are helping host. So we arrived at one of the nicest hotels in town and scouted out what cakes they had and if they go half price. Their cakes were great (not as amazing as the Scrabble cake) and they did go half price at 6. So we plotted and I joked that when we came back later we would arrive early and I would fight off anyone who would try to get the cakes before us. Which lead to me amusing two European guys standing behind me who heard. And we met a woman later who we thought might be coming for the same reason we were there as we sat and waited for 6 o'clock to roll around.

But we got the cakes and made it home...now it is a matter of getting them to the party, but we will use our driver for that :)

Shifts

I was on Facebook the other day and happened to spend a few minutes surfing through the pages of people from High School that I have re-connected with. Some of the faces look similar to those I remember and some of them I would pass on the street and never know we spent our entire lives going to school together. I think of them still in the photo's from 5th grade or moments we might have had at school in a class.
What makes it so hard to shift from who I remember them as to who they are now? I guess it is about community. We spend so much time not interact at school (for some of my class mates and me) that my mind has locked them in to what I have remembered. I think this is also true of College friends. The friends we carry with us who journey though life after college together see the changes and feel them when we hang out. But I still have friends who, when we sit down together, time seems to stood still.

This happened this past December with a few of my guy friends from college. I crashed their hang out time and we played games for hours just like we use to. The same person complained when he started loosing and the other kept egging it on. Time in those moments seemed to be transcended, until I looked deeper. I found that I had shifted away from them, that I no longer had the same worries and concerns as before. The attraction I might have felt at 22 now brings a smile on my lips and I can see why that part of me liked them and why who I am now is glad we are friends. I can see why I would have needed them as friends, the rich stories they have brought into my life is invaluable.

I was amazed to find through Facebook someone from High School who is now a musician and another who is sold out for God. Maybe part of looking back is remembering who I was and how I don't want to be judged based on that. The shifts feel so subtle and small but they are huge jumps, huge changes in our hearts, and I am glad they happen.
(I didn't have a digital camera in HS so you get the first picture from HS and the rest of college and post college :) )

The ups and downs

When you live in a culture different than your own there are waves of Culture Shock that people go through. Some days it can feel very intense and other days you might hardly notice. I have started to recognize in my own heart when this happens. Typically it is every 3 months and is seen as feelings of wanting to pull out of the culture you are in, you can become very critical and negative, things might start to make you annoyed or upset that didn't when you first got here, and/or you start to compare your culture with the current one. It can feel like a storm building momentum.

These ups and downs can be hard depending when they hit. I have had a few while some teams are here and I try to speak out of what I know is true instead of how I might currently be feeling. When teams come everything is amazing and wonderful. Everything is new and different, it is easy to Romanticise it. But when you live some place, just like in America, things start to get old...fast. But add on top of this that you can't speak the local language and are sitting in a city of 4 million people with a different definition of what is rude, well you can see why this would cycle around. The good news is that it is normal and that helps.

This past week I realized I was feeling "off" and just wanted to sit in my room, I was having trouble concentrating on work and on some days simply gave up trying. The amazing thing to me (still) is that once I talked to one of the other girls in my house about it, it all seemed to go away. It didn't feel as big anymore which helps take away the power it can feel it has over me. The good news is that it is easy to deal with, some self care time and talking about it with others who live here and I am feeling back in my groove.

Game Night

During the week I usually get together with some friends and we have a game night. Typically this consists of Speed Scrabble, snacks, drinks, and finishes with us ordering in for the night because delivery here in the city is free. The trick is being able to tell them how to get to your house. There are no street signs on most roads and the typical driver wouldn't know them anyways. This past week we decided to surprise one of the girls for her birthday and had a cake ordered and the food deliver right away. The cake is all edible! The tiles were made to look exactly like the Simpson set we use when we play. It felt funny as I munched on a scrabble tile, but it was very good. Peanut Butter Cake with layers of PB frosting between cake layers and topped off with Hazelnut chocolate frosting, wipe the drool off your computer keys...and yes it is as good as it sounds! For anyone coming to visit me I will take you to this place, it rocks my world :) I will never eat cake the same again! Here is a picture of our yummy food from the great Lebanese Restaurant in town. We got salad, Humus, Garlic sauce, Feta cheese deep fried, and Felafel's(deep fried chick peas). I am getting hungry just writing this all down again! If you didn't know this about me, I LOVE good food!



All of the Scrabble players:


We did play Nert's for a couple weeks but found it much more stressful then speed scrabble and so we don't play much of that anymore. But when we did play I would win :) Which was a nice change, seeing how my friends from college always beat me!

Staff Retreat 2010

Every year the staff takes a retreat, usually to the beach for 3 days. We have to split up to make sure that everything at work is still covered but everyone gets a chance to go on one of the trips. So I headed out with the first group last Thursday morning. The plan was to drive about half way to the beach (2 hours or so) and stop at a waterfall, eat some snacks, and then head the last 2 hours to our destination.


At the waterfall it began to rain, which is not unusual this time of year...but posed an issue with the roads. As we were driving back to the main road we slid off the road into a ditch. Here are some pictures that captured the experience.


We all climbed out the back window even our staff member who is 8 months pregnant :) No one was hurt but most people had to loose their shoes before climbing down so the people helping them down could hang on to them better. Thanks to my Chaco's I didn't have to and thanks to my sister who was a cheerleader I made sure to tighten my leg muscles as they helped me down as well. But the road was red clay mud so even with my shoes on I was gaining inches in height thanks to the layers of muck. As you can see on the tires of the bus.

Once we got back on the main road the rest of the trip down was uneventful. We had a team from America with us who came to do the retreat for us so after eating lunch at our hotel we had some free time before our first session with them. Kristin and I headed down the beach to sit and watch the water away from the many solicitors trying to sell you things and enjoyed a nice quite afternoon sipping cold drinks. We apparently were the only ones to venture out as we learned most everyone else took a nap :) (this is very Khmer, they always sleep after lunch for a little bit). That evening we went out to dinner at a place along the ocean and enjoyed fresh crab (Which I loved!) and other Khmer dishes. The great part was that it was only $4 a meal for what we ate. We finished up the evening with some ice cream before returning to the hotel

Some kids along the beach:


In the morning we played games on the beach which included some of us (including me) getting blind folding, carrying someone, and having to reach the other side of our little area...but I was being pushed around like I was playing football, which I didn't know was coming. I tried spin moves and all but being blindfolded and feeling as though the staff member on my back was going to fall off I admitted defeat. But we had so much fun! In the afternoon it was raining so as everyone slept Kristin and I headed into town to a small bakery and cafe we had heard about. They had an amazing courtyard, which is where I am in the picture:


Before dinner we played more games and wrote encouragement notes to each other. I have to say I have not laughed as hard as I did during games in a very long time. We played the Khmer version of duck duck goose (you aren't suppose to touch each other's heads). But they get up and each person races by going opposite ways around the circle when you meet each other en route to the spot you are suppose to formally bow with your hands in a prayer formation in front of you (typical greeting here) and then shake your butt at each other before continuing...oh my word. Don't worry I am bringing it back to America, it is a good time! Even as an adult you can have fun playing duck duck goose :)


For dinner we had a cook out on the beach as you can see from the delicious grilled squid I am eating!! They also had grilled shrimp, fish, crab, and chicken. After dinner we had a dance party on the beach. The staff is a ton of fun and they came and grabbed me while I was trying to take pictures so I could join in. Even the guys who are very formal on staff really let their hair down and were dancing. Khmer dancing is kind of like line dancing in theory as you don't really have a partner but you move in a circle kind of doing your own thing. Sorry no pictures of me dancing as I was one of the few taking pictures :)


Me and Cathy, another volunteer

I have to say this is one of the best staff retreats I have been on. Good food, great fellowship, fun games, no work (some ResLife people know what retreat I am talking about ;) ) and we ended with dinner and dancing on the beach! I didn't have to plan anything, I didn't have to approve anything, and I just got to enjoy it. I also had a great time with the staff which was very refreshing.

Fish, Earth, and Water

I smelled like fish. The path I walked on was small and looked like a single wheel mark through the thick shrubs that was wide enough for a bicycle. The path curved, rose, and fell as we climbed up a hill and descended down on the other side. The bushes and plants tried to grab at my ankles and arms as we pushed through. The rain dropped on us in a steady rhythm. We passed houses that seemed to appear out of no where and smiled at the children, water buffalo, and dogs we passed. When we reached our destination we were greeted with hospitality of coconuts and a dry place to sit after the rain. The father stood on the bank of the river to show us his boat, only to see it was gone. He did what any father would do, yell down the river asking who took his boat...I smiled as I heard the giggles of girls, his girls coming back to shore in the boat.

We sat under a tree on a wooden platform, sipping our coconuts as questions were asked, and the thunder boomed through the mountains. And then before we left they served us fresh shrimp and clams. I can't say I LOVE either but knew this poor family was offering us what they had and I respect that. So I learned how to shell shrimp and eat clams, both which I was informed by a one of my co-workers were excellent and would cost a lot to eat in the city. We left and walked back through the sandy water soaked path. I laughed as we came across ankle deep water and the only choice is to walk through it.

Our next stop was for lunch and here again we sat next to the ocean eating King Prawns ( my condolences to Pepi from the Muppet's) and listening to the water. Our final stop was to another families house. At this house as we were waiting to leave I squatted in the dirt with a little girl and watched as she used a bit of straw to create her pictures. I started looking for some straw as well and she was quick to find and break off a piece for me to use. So in the earth we began carving boxes, flowers, and other designs. The moving and sifting of dirt allowed our pictures to easily be removed if we made a mistake or something we didn't like. Then it was time to head home.

I watched the mountains pass as we drove, amazed by the beauty that these people live in. I loved seeing all the green tree's and fields from the rain. And as we were about 20 Km ( 12-13 miles from the city) our van broke down. So we sat on the side of the road waiting to get a tow home from another guy we work with. It was an eventful day and as I put my face in my hands I smiled...because I smelled like fish.

Happy BD America

So what happens in other countries on the 4th of July? There are no flag lines streets, parades, or cook outs. No one dressing in Red, White, or Blue, at least not to celebrate the 4th. But there is a little piece of America in most countries...the US Embassy. Technically when you walk through the gates you are on American soil. So for the 4th this year I bought a ticket to attend the party in "America". One of my Khmer friends drove a few of us there as anyone can buy tickets. They had the building decorated with flags and red, white, and blue lights around all the palm trees and other vegetation.

They had a stage set up with a band from the Philippines who did American songs such as the video I have added...which is a shout out to my roommate "Flea", she knows why ;)

They had food booths set up with American cuisine and a Chocolate fountain. I dined on a Philly Cheese Steak and real Ice Cream. But they had corn on the cob, brats,and ribs at the food place called "American BBQ". They had an acrobat type crew there doing different human pyramids and stacking people on each other's shoulders 3 high. I snapped a picture of a girl balancing Hula Hoops. It is too bad there isn't a Nintendo Wii here or I could totally do what she is doing in no time flat!

They also had a pie eating contest (shown below), a John Deer tractor you could sit on, and gave out door prizes...nice prizes. They had free return tickets to Phnom Penh from Bangkok (I had my fingers crossed for this one), a weekend stay at one of the really nice hotels in the city, free gym subscriptions, I did not win any.

A couple of the friends I went with are below...My friend Lisa who is quite the Nert's Player!

Me and Mary who will soon be moving into my house.

No fireworks in the evening but as things came to a close Mary and I went out with a couple of the guys she works with because one of them was celebrating his Birthday. And yes you may harass me about not wearing patriotic colors, but I just wasn't feeling the American vibe when I got dressed that morning. Besides if I was in America it is what I would have worn. It was interesting because most of the Khmer who can were all dressed up in party dresses and then us Americans wandering around in our typical 4th of July clothes :) One highlight was getting to sit on grass to eat my meal. If you come visit you will understand why this was a highlight!!

My Heart

What is the value of a heart? What is worth the cost of fighting for it? I am not sure I have the answer to these questions. I am not even sure I understand the cost of fighting for a heart. But this last month I have found myself fighting for my heart. As a little girl I grew up with the idea of a knight in shinning armor coming to sweep me off my feet and be my protector. I wanted someone who would fight for me...my Robin Hood, Aladdin, or Wesley(The Princess Bride). I never really thought about fighting for my heart, it seemed part of the Knight's package deal, if I was safe then my heart would be as well. But the problem is how can someone fight for my heart who doesn't know it? From another person I can easily hid parts of my heart and there are parts that are hidden from me.

Looking into your own heart is a scary job and one that takes time. I have found myself struggling this month, walking through a dense forest. Branches and undergrowth pulling at my clothes and arms as I struggle to keep moving forward. Walking through parts of my heart I have not really looked into and am discovering. I have been feeling the exhaustion of self reflection and the turmoil that becomes unearthed. Seeing flashes of people I have loved and lost and the pain of words and actions against me. But through every moment of remembering and surrender I have pushed on. I push on because I know that God is a God who heals and makes things new. A God who is wanting to come into our hearts and transform us if we invite Him in.

I feel so blessed that I get to walk this path. A path of truth and grace, filled with love and hope. Because those are the things I have found on this struggle. To look at my brokenness and discover the walls I have built to guard my tender heart and know that it is time to take them down. It is time to allow God in to heal those fortified cities that are aching with pain. I think of the reasons the walls were built and it feels daunting. I stand and look at it knowing why it is there and unsure how it can be dismantled. But I have to choose to believe that God can do it because as I get close to the wall my heart shouts that it can't be broken down, not even by God.

But I want it down and I want to stop living out of my brokenness. I want the freedom that comes with truth and love. I want it so much that it makes every step and every struggle worth it. How much is a heart worth? I think the better question is how much is freedom worth? How much is living in truth free from the weight of brokenness worth? For me it is priceless and even as I struggle to stay motivated to make changes, I know that living in old ways will keep me locked in a prison I no longer want to live in.

Koh Kong

I have finally found the place in Cambodia I want to live...maybe forever ;) It has the Ocean on one side and the Mountains on the other. It is green and beautiful...and well very quiet. Some how when it is only 40,000 people instead of 4 million there is less noise. I was amazed when I woke up in the morning and hear a guy actually telling his dog to stop barking...novel idea. The reason I wen to Koh Kong, which is a boarder town with Thailand, was to visit one of my Uncle's Sisters who is a Missionary Doctor with her husband. I could have cried eating the Midwest delicacy of pea soup and bread she had ready when we arrived off the bus. Sigh...it tasted like home. And for this weekend it is was I needed. I needed the peaceful setting and comforts of home. The city is very draining after a while.

Danielle and I

The afternoon we arrived we went out to see a Mangrove forest with a walk way winding through. It was fun being surrounded by green and looking for crab's in the black dirt as we walked out. We crossed a suspension bridge at the end and felt like I was back in Elementary school on the playground equipment, but this time if someone started jumping up and down we would all fall in the water. After the bridge was an observation tower where we got a full look at the area.

Walk Way

One of the 4 different kinds of crabs I saw

The next morning it was raining but as this area of Cambodia gets one of the highest in rainfall(they got 4 inches that morning) all year we headed out when it changed from a down pour into a drizzle. Mary took us to see the hospital were she works and the around town. We all road bicycles and the rain even let up as we go to the river area. We ate lunch at the house before heading out to see a waterfall. We had to do a little "off roading" and I could only think of my cousins and how much fun they would have had with their trucks...and I got to do it on the back of a dirt bike :)
Mode of transportation


Crossing a River on the way to the waterfall


Mary and Hubert


The waterfall

Later that night we got cleaned up and went out for dinner at this great restaurant. Eat sitting area is a little hut and you sit on the floor to eat. They also had hammocks we made good use of :) The food was great and very peaceful as we sat and listened to fish jumping while dusk settled over the day.


View from our table


Where we sat to eat

On Sunday Danielle and I got on the bikes to take some last minute pictures before church. We had our final lunch before catching our bus back to the city. I was very sad to leave and am planning on finding more time to go back. Apparently they have an Animal show close by as well and it sounds like something similar to Sea World...I am very curious :)

Rain

It is now Rainy season here. For those from the Mid West or any climate that lacks a Rainy season let me break this down for you. Everyday still dawns with sunshine and warmth, humidity that envelops me as I walk out of my bedroom door (I sleep with my AC on). But the difference is that I pack a rain jacket when I head out because you never know exactly when and if the rain will hit. I have been out on my bike pedaling like my life depended on it to get home in time as I hear the thunder crack through the sky knowing now that sometimes hearing it means I am too late.

I knew it would only be a matter of time before I got caught out in the storm. I had been out on Saturday morning and as my Moto driver was heading to my house the clouds looked quite promising and as the rain began to pour my key was in my lock and I was able to duck inside without too much moister on my clothes.

(Picture from Thailand but exact same as here)

Yesterday was the day I finally got caught. I had been out with friends and we had picked a location with Wi Fi to work on our laptops together. We didn't want to sit cooped up in our offices when we could take advantage each other's company. As we were getting ready to leave it started to pour so we decided to wait it out. Usually it rains about an hour and then is done. So as it started to become more of a light spitting we headed back to our houses...but we noticed the sky as we got closer to home. The thunder peeled across the sky and the rain became harder. I was trying to pedal faster but when it rains everyone speeds up and even the people in cars, who are staying dry, seem to be rushing. Really? You aren't getting soaked! I had my rain jacket on and a rain covering over my backpack which held my lap top.

The rain was coming down as hard as the picture shows and I was in it. Trying to keep my eyes open but it became harder and harder to see as water dripped down me and was soaking me to the bone. I started laughing because I knew I looked ridiculous and my friend was laughing too. It really didn't matter how wet I was getting...what is the rush when you already feel like you are being continually doused with a hose? My joy was increased as I saw a family standing under a shower of water coming off their roof, soap in the hair waiting to rinse it off. Why not? A free shower is nice. The road was starting to swell with water and as I stood dripping in my door way I was thankful to discover my lap top was till nice and dry.

A piece of my world

An unwelcome guest in our house...(who shortly after this photo meet an unpleasant end)

The question is who made it and what size is it? (thank you Russian market :) )

A painting I bought in one of the markets

My bed with mosquito net

My chair and lamp