It has felt strange not writing anything the last few weeks but I felt I had nothing to say. Everything in my world was getting tilted back to America and there were times when I didn't have words for how I was feeling. It has been great being back with family and friends and have enjoyed feeling connected and loved. But at the same time there are some realities of being back that I have to face. Part of leaving and saying good bye for almost a year means pausing relationships with some people. You can't be fully engaged with where you are if you try to stay 100% connected to where you have been.
This is a hard truth for me because I have a lot of people I really love and care about and want to be in their lives but I am learning to accepting things in seasons. During this season of returning I was driving back to the city I will be residing in for the next season of my life and I felt this strong anticipation and excitement mixing and churning inside me. Things have changed where I was going but I knew with out question that this is the place God has been preparing for me next. Part of the excitement is getting to reveal to the people here who have known me for a long time the new and different parts of who I discovered I was while I was gone. And on the other side of the coin I get to learn the same about them.
We all leave shadows of who we were in the places we have been. It is not my job to come running back and start yelling how I am different and demanding to know the same from others. I am excited about the process of revealing that to others and not feeling the pressure of having anything to prove to people about that. The last few weeks have been a great time of reflecting and re-orientation to life here. I have been able to take it at my pace and live in community or step out of it as I am finding my footing again. It is good to be back and even though I miss people I can't wait to see what this new season of my life is going to look like in this very familiar place.
