I have been living in the in between lately. You know what I am talking about...that place of transition and waiting. For me this has meant rest, debriefing, and living out of my suitcase. This has been a good time and I am so thankful that God has allowed me the time and space in my life to live in this place. I had been deeply desiring a place to live alone for a little while before finding a roommate, knowing I would also want that. I knew as I sat in Cambodia that I couldn't make any of this happen and had to trust God with what He would provide on my return.
I have felt so blessed in this last month. The house I am staying at has allowed me the space to be in community with friends or to stay alone. There have been days when I didn't want to get out of bed and so I didn't. I have internet access, a garage for my car, one of the most comfortable bed's I have ever slept in (and I love my bed a ton), work out equipment if I don't feel like leaving, dishwasher, etc. I even have the company of a dog...who is great.
But after two months of living out of a suitcase it is time. I know in my heart it is time...time to move into my new apartment, time to have a closet to hang my clothes in and my own bed to lay my head on. I'm ready to live in community again with a roommate and look foward to what that will bring into my life. I am ready to be stable again. I'm ready for my space...not borrowed space. Because no matter how great borrowed space is...it can never fully be your space.
I think what I have loved the most about being in this in between place is feeling such rest and peace. It has allowed me the space I needed to process through things in my heart and my head, to go through my reverse culture shock and come through it. I'm sure there might be more days of still learning to live back in America but I am ready for the next place...my place.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Choice and Convenience
I have gained some weight. (now is the time to insert your gasp that I would put this in my blog) I know that some weight gain is expected as we get older. That weight gain happens as our metabolism slows down. But in my head I can't rectify this. I ran a half marathon in December and am getting ready to run another one...I should not be gaining the weight that I have. (true I found out I was adding too much powder in my protein shakes but still) I know the difference between muscle weight gain and fat gain. Sadly it is the latter that I am now carrying around with me. I could justify some of this by owning the fact that I am now in my late twenty's and not 18 anymore...but I don't want to justify it. I see what I put in my mouth. What things I allow to delight my pallet and it is time for me to grow up.
America is all about choices and convenience with food. Walk into a store or drive down a busy commercial street if you don't think I'm correct. We know what we want and we want to choose...and want it fast and easy. So as I walk through the grocery store I glance at my cart and see that most of what I have grabbed is convenient snack food. You know what I'm talking about, the corn chips to eat with salsa...that's healthy, right? and how about the granola or fruit bars? What about the Wheat Thin crackers? The hard truth is that my body doesn't need snacks it needs food. It needs to be fed not placated. I'm tired of allowing my stomach and sometimes my mouth decide what I need to eat. I have gained weight because I watch it go in and hope for the best.
So today I made a salad for lunch (after my 3 mile work out). I cut up the lettuce, cucumbers, apples, and avocado. I threw in some sliced turkey lunch meat, feta cheese, and carefully added some salad dressing. I then made a plate of cucumbers, carrots, and humus. For some flair I threw on some dried cranberries...and it was good. I can't say I always like cold meals (especially right now with being cold all the time) but it was exactly what my body needed. I didn't feel tired this afternoon or drowsy and my body feels good. So I am giving up bad choices and unhealthy convenience for the sake of my health. Because it does matter to me how I look...and true maybe other's can't tell I've gained weight (please don't feel the need to tell me if you did notice). But I want to make the convenient choice of living healthy for a long time. So good bye love affair with pieces of chocolate number 3 or 4...because I want to add to my life but not in the weight department. ;)
Wish me luck...I know this won't be easy!
America is all about choices and convenience with food. Walk into a store or drive down a busy commercial street if you don't think I'm correct. We know what we want and we want to choose...and want it fast and easy. So as I walk through the grocery store I glance at my cart and see that most of what I have grabbed is convenient snack food. You know what I'm talking about, the corn chips to eat with salsa...that's healthy, right? and how about the granola or fruit bars? What about the Wheat Thin crackers? The hard truth is that my body doesn't need snacks it needs food. It needs to be fed not placated. I'm tired of allowing my stomach and sometimes my mouth decide what I need to eat. I have gained weight because I watch it go in and hope for the best.
So today I made a salad for lunch (after my 3 mile work out). I cut up the lettuce, cucumbers, apples, and avocado. I threw in some sliced turkey lunch meat, feta cheese, and carefully added some salad dressing. I then made a plate of cucumbers, carrots, and humus. For some flair I threw on some dried cranberries...and it was good. I can't say I always like cold meals (especially right now with being cold all the time) but it was exactly what my body needed. I didn't feel tired this afternoon or drowsy and my body feels good. So I am giving up bad choices and unhealthy convenience for the sake of my health. Because it does matter to me how I look...and true maybe other's can't tell I've gained weight (please don't feel the need to tell me if you did notice). But I want to make the convenient choice of living healthy for a long time. So good bye love affair with pieces of chocolate number 3 or 4...because I want to add to my life but not in the weight department. ;)
Wish me luck...I know this won't be easy!
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