New Star

So I was surfing the web and came across this new up and coming actor who is going to be staring in a movie called "I was going to graduate but went surfing instead" I think he might have a very promising career. On his personal profile he said he likes cooking with flour and eggs, fishing with Stink bait, and trying to hook his roommate from college up with other people. Let me know what you think :)

The Secret Garden

Have you ever seen the movie "The Secret Garden"? The basic story is of a little girl who looses her parents and moves from India to England to live with her distant Uncle. She has nothing to do all day and ends up wandering around the gardens of the estate. One day she finds a locked garden, she has in the mean time found an old key, so putting two and two together she unlocks the garden. This is her secret place where she begins to find a purpose and is driven to fix up the garden. She is not sure what to do but with the help of one of her only friends they plant and weed the garden. Through hard labor, toil, and sweat she works diligently to see the garden fixed up for spring.

As the movie unfolds it is evident the little changes in the girl's life. She begins to smile and laugh more, she comes alive with her new found love of gardening. By spring the Garden is beautiful, but she is afraid her Uncle will lock it back up once he finds out. (there is more to the story but you will have to read the book or watch the movie)

I find that some days I am the garden, locked and waiting for God to come in and weed, plant new things, and help cultivate(I know you are smirking Matt, Tim, and Phil) what is already there. He takes time to clear away the leaves, to pick out the weeds no matter how stubborn they are, He plants new things and tenderly waters and protects them. God sees my hidden beauty and wants to make it the best that He can. He takes time and has patience. My beauty in due time is being revealed to not only others but also myself

Other times I feel like the little girl. I have been hurt and confused and have found a purpose and task that God has helped me discover. I see the hard work ahead and recognize the sacrifice of time. I see the effort I have to put forth to change. I know that it is only through the hard work and risk of loosing it all that makes this process worth while. I see myself changing in little ways and opening up to those around me more and more. I see that I am not the same girl at the beginning of the movie. In the course of life I have begun to live.

The road behind

In my life I have always been focused on the road ahead of me. I try to strain and see what might be lying ahead. I read verses such as "the Lord is a lamp unto my feet" and I thought, "hey God turn the brights on, the fog is think out here." I remember being excited about graduating from High School. I craved a new beginning and a new chance to start over. I viewed my transition to college as making a turn down a new road and planned on never looking back. I always though the past is behind me.

Yet something Pastor DeNeff said in Church a couple weeks ago stirred my heart. I thought back to my past and saw how it had followed me even when I was not looking. I realized I knew this from the moment I stepped on to campus. I had been fighting it every time I would sneaked a look behind me. It has always lurked there in the shadows that I cast upon it.

I felt some freedom from my past this previous January when I had the amazing privilege to speak in chapel. I opened my heart and allowed others to hear my pain and challenge them to think outside the box. I still have so much to learn. But on Sunday Pastor DeNeff said that by looking at our past we see evidence of God. With new eyes I turned my head and took a long look back at everything in my life. Guess what? God was everywhere.

Celebration

I celebrate you. I see your strengths and your color in life and I rejoice in being able to witness it and be allowed to be a part of that. I no longer desire the things I can not have in you. I celebrate you by smiling, cheering, laughing, and showing you in small ways that I appreciate you. You are no longer the menacing person who hinders me in what I can do. You are no longer the opponent I will never beat. You are no longer frustrating to me.

I accept that I am a girl and I have limitation. You are a guy. I celebrate you! I like watching you play and be aggressive. I enjoy the display of "guyness". Thank you for showing me the masculine side of God.

I don't know what to say

An infinite amount of words could not express what I am feeling today. I marvel at my surroundings. I am in a place that I never would have imagined a year ago. A year ago I was making plans to go to Africa, I was convinced that I would never getting married (and upset about this), and I lived in complete bondage to my mind.

Today I am an RD at an amazing school, I am happier single today then I have been in the last four years, and am making changes in my life and am becoming Free. I have found my place in God's plan and it is far different then what I planned. Yet being here knowing God placed me in this place for a reason gives me confidence I never knew I had. Not so my will and my agenda can be done but so that those I touch see something HE has chosen for them to see.

I feel so humbled by what I get to do and how I get to love on people. Sure I am still under attack by Satan, yet I know my GOD is big enough, strong enough. It was said in a book I just read that, "faith does not become your own till it is tested." I have awoken from a deep sleep of bondage to find myself in a lovely valley filled with hurt, pain, and people desperate to be loved. My heart breaks and I cry easier then before.

I am changed...I am happy...I am content...God is good.