Being back

They always talk about how going back some place after being gone is never the same. Coming back to Cambodia was a whirl wind this past week and I hadn't really prepared myself. I thought I had nothing to prepare for. But after getting back to my hotel room feeling very sad I realized I was wrong. I was able to Skype with Dan and talking through everything helped.

The person I was who left in December is not the same person I am now. This place is no longer home but a place that is familiar. It feels easy being here and yet hard too. I feel torn and misplaced...almost like Cambodia forgot me once I left. But so much is still the same...which adds another layer of feeling. I know some of my perception might be from my jet leg and that I miss Dan so much it hurts. But part of me was not prepared to realized what Cambodia was for me last year is not what it will be about this year.

It helps to know this is ok...as does lunch with friends. I met up with a group of people for lunch today and it helped me remember what part of Cambodia will always be mine. It was easy to sit and be with these people. To laugh together and dive right into deep conversations. It didn't feel like 7 months since I saw them and being with them did good things for my heart. I loved sitting on the floor again and eating yummy Khmer food (which my body was excited about). It was good to hear their excitement for my up coming marriage, asking when they will get to meet Dan (thinking he might be coming too this week), and wanting to go out and celebrate our engagement while I am here.

This being only day one...well God only knows how the rest of the week will go :)

Getting Married :)

This past weekend I went shopping for my wedding dress :) Here are some fun pictures...

She really liked this dress

My roommate won her over quickly

the dress had extra fabric she was hiding in

My sister trying on a bridesmaid dress

Smile :)

You will have to wait for after the wedding to see pictures of my dress :)

Engaged :)

It is only half way through July but this month has been a whirlwind. It started off with getting engaged on July 1st and the wedding planning that has followed has been keeping me busy. It feels almost surreal at moments to realize I am getting married and also the most natural thing. I have tons of excitement and joy inside my heart when I think about spending the rest of my life with the man I love. I can't imagine anyone else making me feel the way he does.

There are days and times (especially after registering for gifts:)) when we both really want the next few months to go by quickly. But I have to remind myself that such good things can happen in this between time. We have good conversations about life as issues come up, working together to get things done, and getting to begin planning a life together. There are some sad things as well for me in getting married...I know that I won't get to live with my current roommate much longer and I won't be living with anther girl after this fall. I have loved living in female community and will miss so much of that.

I feel that is always the tension with change...the good and the bad. The exciting and the sadness. The sorrow and the joy. I was reminded earlier this year that you can't have both, living single and living married. Both can not exist in a life together. You have to choose. Which means that as sad as I am to leave my single life I can see the joy and adventure of being married and am very excited about what lies ahead.