Camping with the family

This past weekend was the traditional camp out of the Wallinga Clan. This is the weekend we pack up our trailers and drive an hour and a half up north to the middle of no-where. We pull our campers into a clearing off a dirt road and set up for the weekend. My Grandpa brings a lawn mower and trims the grass, a fire is build, wood is found and dragged behind one of the 5-6 trucks sitting around, two tracking through sand and mudd occurs on Saturday, and sitting around the campfire is always a must.

Not to mention all the card games, washer game, walks through the woods and down the road to the bridge, plus giving everyone a hard time and reminiscing about past family gatherings. We always have a good time and we always enjoy bringing friends up to join in the festivities.

Oh and the best part is no showers :)

Hurting

Today is a "girly" day. It is slightly my fault, I started the day off with Robin Hood Prince of thieves. I caught myself thinking how nice it would be to be pursued by a guy. Someone who can't wait to hear what I have to say and me waiting with anticipation for him to speak as well. (tried to warn you..."girly" day.)Then my cousin e-mail saying we should get a group together and do something this weekend when I'm home...but I don't really have any friends back home. They are all married, and every time I call they always seem busy or their spouse doesn't want to do anything. The fact of the matter is I find myself missing people so much it hurts.

I have staff pictures for my screen saver. Every picture is tied to a memory, every memory usually involves laugher, love, and security. I don't know where I am right now. I don't know what tomorrow looks like and I want you all back here with me helping me know what to do.

But you can't be here. I am an adult now. I have to suck it up and begins to live on my own. My secret is that I came out of High School accustom to doing everything on my own because I didn't have a strong friend group. This past year God gave me you. I forget how lonely being a lone soldier is. I have been holding on to the last few friends here at school but in the next week I have to let go of them too.

I am praying that God would bring people into my life to fill your gap...but I know no matter who they are they won't be you. They won't make me laugh or smile the same way you did. So tonight I morn the loss of being a college student. I rejoice in having the priviledge of knowing you. And I look forward to God suprising me by having our paths cross again someday, even if I have to wait till we are in Heaven.

A shot in the dark

Doe life get you down? That's ok, according to Hollywood all one needs is a strong drink of liquor and the world quickly fades away. Pass out and leave your problems behind. What type of message is this?

Time and time again I see movies and TV shows that promote drink during times of hardship. What are they try to do? Turn the Western Culture into alcoholic's? There are better ways of dealing with problems but I guess the only ones that the media wish to promote are destructive and unhelpful. How does getting drunk or passing out solve anything?

Garbage in = garbage out

The breast night

Last night I accompanied my sister to a pregnancy class. I did not know before going what type of class this was.....it was a breast feeding class. I sat for two hours learning about the breast and it's milk producing capabilities. Now some of it was very interesting and the nurse giving the class is actually a lactation coach.

The highlights of the night included the touchy feely couple that couldn't keep their hands off each other for the entire class and the old school video that they showed. Yes I was the only non-pregnant girl in the room and I wanted to sit and giggle the entire time.

The beginning of the end

I went to a wedding this weekend back home. I knew everyone in the wedding party and a lot of the guests that came to show support. As I sat there a million memories flooded my mind involving those around me, some which I had not seen or talked to in over 4 years. As the wedding proceeded I felt myself almost leave my body(stick with me) almost as if I was removing myself to see this from a different view point. I looked and saw a happy bride and groom, supportive parents, and a church full of happy faces. Then I looked and saw a girl watching the people with joy and hurt. Old wounds, fears, and tears flooded her mind. The room began to suffocate her, she took deep breaths and tried to focus on the wedding.

She knew that no one in the room saw her as what she was but what she had been. The wounds of the past reared their heads fresh and painful. I looked down and saw her fight back tears and caught myself holding my breath. I knew that pain and understood the hurt because it was me. Who knew that one wedding could do all that to a girl. I am thankful that God has given me what he has and blessed me with amazing friends and people who love me for who I am and what I am working to become.

Blessings

I sometimes miss the blessings God gives me. I have a perception of lacking due to my culture and desire to acquire things. Yet when I take the time to look around me I see that God is taking care of me and is supplying all my needs.

It is the little things in life that God does that blows me away. I might see and desire a bigger need only to miss the little details He is taking care of for me. God provides and gives me such peace when I stop looking for ways to do things on my own and let Him take care of everything.

Trust God, and look for the blessings in your life!

Church

The church. Today it is looked at as the place of hypocrites and seekers, but where are the Christians? Do they not know how the world views them? I worked with a lady that jokingly said we all stood around swaying our hands in the air to music, something she had seen on television. Have we become another pop culture marketable item?

The church needs to come back to what it was designed for, the Christians. The church needs to be the place where Jesus is taught...not for the "lost" but for the tired and lonely Christian who needs to be encouraged and supported because of the tedious work of living contagiously. You see we are to become more like Christ...in doing this and living as Jesus did we will live with passion, love, and a desire to touch those who are hurting.

This does not include picketing outside of an abortion clinic nor shouting at the top of our lungs that being a homosexual is wrong and they will burn in hell. Where did Jesus act like this. Jesus loved people, he met there where they were at and touched them there. He knew the stories behind the hurt and gave everlasting water to those who asked.

The church needs to pick this torch up again, not staying in the rut of social conformity but churning out real and genuine men and women of faith. People who love, live, and walk as Jesus did. This type of love has power because it is not fake, self serving, or condemning. It is healing, perfect, and selfless. It works because this love does not come from us, but from God who chooses to allow us be the carriers and givers of His love to those who are in need.

"Come all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest." ~Jesus

Gone

Sunday May 1st....Wal-Mart looked like a nursing home. I did not realize that they all get their social security checks at the beginning of the month and go shopping as soon as they can. As I was walking to a check out, item's to purchase in my hands, I heard an old man call to his wife saying something to the effect of "Come this way mother." The sweet old lady in front of me started to walk in the direction of her husband, I smiled thinking how great it would be to be old someday...when I realized she was farting quiet loudly with every step she took. She did not even seem to notice of react...then again her hearing is probably gone :)

Cinco de Mio!!!

Camp fires

What about fire makes it mezmerising? Last night I sat and stared at the fire Matt and Phil built. I savored every moment watching the little flames lick the wood and devour it mercilessly. I felt it's warmth and listened to Matt playing the guitar as Phil would answer one of my questions. Matt's truck was pulled up so he could sit on the tailgate while Phil and I sat in chairs.

This is what being friends is all about. Sitting around letting silence endure, allowing deep conversation to flow, and not caring if tears flow freely. Songs about major life events should be played and appreciated by those who experienced the same things, but do not have the gift of putting the pounding of their hearts into song lyrics.

Today I cried. Today my heart hurt. Today I felt your absence, and it seems to big to endure. Today I remembered. Today I smiled. Today I thanked God for you and said a prayer.