Bad Day

I arrived at the airport ready to leave. My bags were packed, re-packed, and weighed. I had said my final good byes and bid farewell to my friends. The man standing next to the curb didn't make sense to me...how could the flight be cancelled. I went inside to see if it was true and what I had to do. All I got was a slip of paper and instructions to call in the morning. But I didn't want to call in the morning, I want to get on the plane and leave. It felt like a dream climbing back into the Tuk Tuk and heading back to my house. I was wide awake thanks to my iced coffee and an afternoon nap. I was let back into the house by my flatmates and climbed the stairs to one of my flatmates rooms, I have no bed here any more.

I tried to sleep but kept thinking about what I would find out. I had to get home...I had to. At 5:30 I gave up sleeping and jumped on-line to watch TV shows and check e-mail till 8am when the office would open. I called and called and finally got through. When the lady told me the next flight out was on Christmas Day I cried because in my mind it was all over.

I am tired and just want to come home. I have taken every step to be ready for this and yet now I have no choice and can only do what is available to me. Thankfully the lady told me I could fly out of another airport on the 23rd and arrive home on Christmas Eve. In the flurry of seeking all other means of getting home I was struggling inside. I don't understand, it doesn't feel loving to not be allowed to be home with my parents right now. I need this break and in my anguish I cried out to God and clung to Him even in my rage. I then attempted to leave the house for some lunch only to discover I had been given the wrong keys which meant I was locked out of the house and in our gated area with no way out. That felt like the last straw, so in a small tantrum I threw the keys on the ground as well as my moto helmet. I was done.

Thankfully after getting that out of my system I realized I could climb our 9 foot divide between us and the people next to us. I found as the day carried on and I got my ticket for the 23rd that I had come to accept what was happening. I can't choose what is happening but for some reason I am still here. I can only choose how I will respond. Yes I want to get home for Christmas and Yes I will be sad if I miss that. But on the other side of things my goal is to get home, which will happen. The weather can't stop me forever and I will make it back. Granted it took me most the day to reach this conclusion but I decided I would rather trust God in what is happening then be angry and resentful when there are so many blessings even in this situation.

I don't understand any of this mess but I don't have to. I have to only trust the One who sent me here. The One who loves me and has provided for me in every way. The One who sees my heart and knows what I need before I even ask. Life happens and God can handle my angry outbursts of frustration. I love Him and I trust Him, no matter where that might lead me or how long it takes to get home.