Sometimes it is very hard to let things go. I work, I struggle, and I toil and some how I still mess up. I set the bar high and watch myself fall, reaching out trying to at lest touch the bar. I need to allow myself the freedom to mess up. I always think of the DC Talk song "What if I stumble".
"What if I stumble, what if I fall, what if I loose my step and make fools of us all? Will the walk continue, will the walk become a crawl? What if I stumble and what if I fall?
In my media fast, of this past 11 months, I have found some grey area's that I did not anticipate. I am not talking about the movie I had to watch in class or the movie I had to write a paper on for my midterm. One of the grey area's was Internet movie clips. I have watched some of them. In those moments I look back and don't remember how I justified watching them. I think sometimes I felt caught if someone was trying to show one and felt stuck, not even really thinking about leaving the room.
So I apologize for that. I tripped up in this area of my media fast. Through it God has been teaching me about myself and helping me explore why I justified seeing them at that moment. I feel as though I have let people down because I was suppose to be fasting from these things. I wanted to be able to say that I did my fast perfectly. But perhaps that is pridefull and not the real meaning of a fast. I am human and will and do make mistakes, sometimes I have a hard time accepting that.
4 comments:
Kara-
You did not let anybody down. Don't be too hard on yourself! You have done an amazing job on this fast and this movie clip thing is a technicality that Satan is harping on to steal your joy of victory and obedience. Don't let him do it! You did not fail!
It is hard, because you see yourself failing and others say that you haven't failed at all. They say a good effort is good enough. But I have to disagree (sorry Angie).
If God has really revealed that you were not completely honest in your fast, that is AWESOME that you are willing to admit that...I think as Christians we don't understand the meaning of encouragement...it doesn't mean patting each other on the back and saying, "you're OK, it's not a big deal that you messed up." Because sin is a big deal, and we can't keep downplaying our struggles. Sure, you didn't break the law, lie, or cheat, but you are completely right in your confession - you messed up. As Christians, I think we need to accept confessions from our fellow brothers and sisters, and ask how we can help each other from falling into that trap again.
I think back to 5 years ago (yikes!) when Stephen and I broke our commitment to not kiss until we were engaged. When we confessed that we had, everyone was like, "Well, about time!" or "It's not a big deal." or just laughed and thought we were funny for even making that type of commitment. Stephen and I really struggled staying pure until marriage, and think that was part of the reason. I think that if people would have taken our commitment seriously, when we confessed they should have surrounded us in prayer, asking how they could help us stay away from sin, and not fall into that again.
I guess what I am saying is, God convicts us and it is different for different people...and I think Satan loves it when we downplay each others' failures - it makes it easier to do it again. Yes, we have victory in Jesus, and can't let Satan attack us when we mess up. This is why we need to have people close to us that are going to take our confession seriously - so, don't let Satan get you down with this confession - but pick yourself up and keep going!
Thanks so much for confessing, and I will try to keep you accountable for the 6 weeks you have left! You can make it!!!!!!
Hmm...Grey area is right. I don't know where I stand on this. I don't know if the movie clips were a slippage or not. I first of all think it's amazing that you've made it this far with your fast. Kudos (I can't believe I just said that). My first reaction to your admittance was "big deal" but then I developed that twisty turny feeling in my stomach that keeps flip-flopping. The Internet is sly trickster mctricksterson.
hmm...grey areas bite.
(Can we have a movie date when the fast is over? Like a party entitled "Welcome back to the dark side" or something...it could be "entertaining" - whoa a pun. )
and yes you know me. I'm just not ready to reveal myself...sorry.
Thanks for sharing… Now I'll share some of my own thoughts – Though, as we all know (or at least any who know me know) my thoughts don't necessarily warrant any listening to. Anyway…
This sounds like some story I’d read in the Bible. A person makes a promise/covenant to God and messes up. Through this failure (and following confession) the person proceeds to grow closer to God … thus advancing the story as we know it.
On the other hand, what if you hadn’t “messed up.” I could see this version of the story in the Bible too. A person makes a promise/covenant to God and keeps it perfectly. I wonder what God’s reaction would be…
- A response of praise?
- A question of motive?
- A challenge to learn from it?
- A call to do more?
… I don’t know. (I don’t have any answers … especially not to my own questions). Maybe His reaction would be a combination of the above. … or maybe none of those at all.
Like I said, these are just some of my thoughts. Maybe nothing encouraging. Maybe nothing helpful. Maybe nothing thought provoking. … but just some thoughts.
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