This is a little bit from my media fast journal. A reminder God gave me today when life just seems to happen...
I have found that in all of this I have seen God break down my expectations and generalities. Things I believe or thought I hold strong to, I see God challenging and nudging me to look deeper, search longer, and to look at things from a different perspective. I have felt God close and I have felt God near. I sit during my times of frustration and battle things out with God instead of calling someone and find peace in this. I watch my life moving around me and notice the differences in how I handle things now then what I have in the past. I see growth and that encourages me.
I still see myself laying things down at God’s feet, walking away a bit and then look down to see I am still caring it. I wrestle with it a little more and then put it back at God’s feet only to walk away and see I am still carrying part of it. I struggle with wanting control but realizing that in turning control over to God I allow myself to be a part of His bigger plan. I have to accept that life will not turn out exactly how I want it and I have to be ok with that. God has to be my constant source of power and of strength. He has to be my everything or I am nothing. The little adage I have been saying to myself a lot lately is “Lord I am willing, and You are able.” I cling to my faith and allow God to direct my path. I admit to Him when I am scared and terrified. I talk myself to death and then wait for Him to whispers in my ear. It is always just the right words at just the right time. They are never the words I was expecting but the words I needed to hear.
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