Markets and Stores

Today has been quite the day. I was feeling kind of down today, it seems overwhelming to have to start all over with building relationships here. I am optimistic but my little Introvert needed some time to process this. I also realized I want to get started and jump into things and right now I have to wait. So I did my own thing most of the morning and had a chance to chat with one of the people living in my house. His name is Ra and he teaches English and is going to school. It was nice to have a chance to chat a little bit. After lunch Judith was around and she took me to a mall where they have a grocery store.

The choice to go to the store was made after Judith listened to my list and told me what things are cheaper at the market and they usually just go and buy it the same day when they need it (the market is 2 blocks from my house, very easy to walk to). Now, how does one get around in Cambodia? Good question! They have bikes called Moto's, cars, and regular bikes. Judith had a Moto so after donning our helmets we were off. Thanks to my brother-in-law I have ridden a motorcycle so I was familiar with sitting on the back of a bike and not having to hold on. Granted some of the streets were missing sections or had big pot holes, but I'm proud to say I didn't scream and grab onto Judith but simple put my hand up on her shoulder for a moment of security. The street laws are a little bit different here. With the "street rules" as I will call them it is very simple: you go until you can't go anymore...meaning if you are turning left and that means crossing traffic you turn and drive in the wrong lane facing oncoming traffic until you get over. This also means "Michigan Stops" at most every corner, pulling out in front of people to cross a street, etc. This might seem unsafe, and I won't want to drive anything motorized here, but no one is really driving over 30 I would guess. Judith also said you are good to pull out etc. as long as you make eye contact. It is when the person coming at you isn't looking that you need to watch out :)

After the store we had some ice cream, a waffle cone with 2 scoops for .90 cents. We arrived home, which meant me holding onto my two bags of food in front of me, and then headed to our market. I was able to buy fresh Gala Apples!! (kind of expensive but I love them), carrots, potatoes, zucchini, oranges, and some of their native fruit. Oh...and for my brother...the fruit you asked about Dariun I think, yeah I had it last time. You can't even open in the house it smells so bad because it smells like rotten eggs. I tried some and it was the consistency of custard, and not very good.

In the market I was looking for skirts that I can wear here. I didn't think my wool lined skirt or thick denim would make the cut in this heat. I found a dress ($5) two skirts ($10) and a little thin jacket to go over my dress to cover my shoulders ($2.50). The tag on one of my skirts shows retail price of $40. The one skirt had to be shortened (it went past my feet) and the thin jacket was long sleeve and I wanted short sleeves. So for $1.50 I had my skirt and jacket done...and in less then 10 Min's mind you. As we were leaving I heard a Michael Buble song playing and smiled to myself. That guy does get around :)

Tonight will be dinner at another girls place who I met today. Tomorrow is the first day of checking out some of the different churches. But it was good to get out of the house and start getting around to get the things I needed. Oh...at the grocery story it was over $7 for a box of Special K fruit and yogurt cereal, yeah I passed on that one. But I did buy fabric softener in a bag...which also made me smile :)

New Year

2010 has begun...nothing about this really jumped out at me. And then I heard people talking about the beginning of a new decade. How strange to think about ten years ago...I was 17 and entering my second semester of being a Junior in High School. That is weird to me. If you had told me that ten years later I would have two degree(neither of which were on my radar at the time), traveled Europe, Africa, and Asia. Taken a trip to Hawaii with college friends, and lived in a slightly larger city with a roommate...I'm not sure I would have believed you.

I think back to that time in my life and I imagined going to college and getting married, with a possible chance of living on my own for a while. So I guess part of what I have done I would have foreseen. But I never would have guessed the rest. How small my view of life was ten years ago. How much importance I put on silly things. Yet at the time they did not seem so silly. Ten years ago I was planning for Prom...Ten years later I am planning for Cambodia.

I love seeing God's plan unfold for my life. To know that in the middle of what I thought was important God was at working doing bigger things. Things not really about me but things for me to do for His plan. Events, people, and places have all come together to teach me, help me, and grow with in me the person He has called me to be. I love sitting and reading my journals from High School and even College. I laugh at my concern over boys and the things that crowded my heart. I feel triumph in seeing concerns and prayers that God has answered. Ten years...that is a lot of time and yet it doesn't feel like enough. I am excited to see what God has in story for me ten years from now.

Boxes

On Thursday I packed up my belongings. I packed them in boxes, put them in suitcases, and crammed as much as I could into my car. My life is reduced to boxes. I drove to my parents house in Michigan and began unpacking my carefully packed car. As I walked up the stairs in their house and opened my bedroom door I was greeted by more boxes. I keep thinking, "what are in these boxes?" I haven't really missed much in the last few months. Can I really have this much stuff?

I feel a little better realizing my room here is pretty small which creates the feeling of being packed with my belongings. How did I get so much stuff? I have a strong urge to just take boxes and get rid of it all, but I know there are treasured things in my boxes. Yet I won't use any of my things for a year if not longer.

These boxes also mean it is final. I have moved back in with my parents (which wasn't really part of my long term plan), I am unemployed, and I am right where I am suppose to be. I feel that sometimes God hands me a box of my life. It is full of things for me to go through and process, to laugh about, to feel my heart break with, and to be able to use. Boxes, so many boxes..I'm just glad I don't always have to move the boxes God gives me.

December already?

Time seems to be slipping by. This is sad and encouraging to my heart. It is sad because I will be leaving my life here in Marion soon, which I will miss. It is encouraging because it means a new chapter in my life is going to start. It is also sad because during moments with my friends I don't want the time to end. I want to freeze the moment and remember the conversations we had and the knowledge of knowing we are together in this moment.

I freeze moments in my mind that I love returning to and want to keep up my recollections. I know there will be days in Cambodia when I need to remember my ARD who put a orange cone in his parking spot to save it and my other ARD who moved it to take the spot. I want to remember the night I stayed up with 3 other friends playing Speed Scrabble till 3 in the morning. I never want to forget singing "Your too good to be true" at the top of my lungs with my roommate in Evans as we sang our hearts out to the empty hall way.

The encouragement I have in the middle of feeling sad is know that I have time stretching out in front of me next year. I get to be stretched and challenged in ways I can't even imagine; this is building excitement in my little adventurous heart. I want to embrace this next year because I know that time will keep moving and it will be over sooner then I can even know, which feels sad.

Fall

Fall is the best time of the year...I enjoy summer, but fall seems to steal my heart. I love the leaves and colors that are everywhere! I keep taking mental pictures for myself because for the first time in my life, I will miss fall. I won't get to see the leaves change or smell them being burned. No crisp fall air as I run, or smile as the sun come out from behind the big fall clouds.

I can't say I will miss winter here in the states...but fall I will. Time seems to be going so very fast. I find myself unable to believe that October is half over. I keep seeing God work in and around me and I love living with my roommate...it is like college, but even better. All these things I have to trust to God, He knows what my life will look like when I come back. I am excited about leaving and reaching out for what God is putting before me, but right now I'm kind of sad to be leaving.

Adventures in Renting

I have moved into my new apartment and have already had some adventures in my new apartment...

1. Setting up furniture...I had to move my pie safe to a different location because the floor is slanted and the doors to the pie safe wouldn't stay closed.

2. No air conditioning...trying to keep a good balance of air flow even when it is raining and forgot to close one of the windows and got the floor all wet.

3. Parking on the street...having to take my heels off to cross the small river that had formed between me and the sidewalk to my door.

4. No hot water...I had to heat water to take a shower yesterday. Can't say I ever thought I would have to do that.

....I'm sure there will be more to come later.

What has been going on...

Time seems to have slipped past me. The last few months have been crazy. The end of April was filled with saying good bye and transition from Spring to May term housing. During May I had almost a full area of students as well as finishing up reports, saying good bye to the life I have lived the last 4 years, saying good bye to people I have lived and worked with, packing up my apartment, and preparing for Cambodia. Now it is the beginning of June. I leave in 5 days to fly around the world, I will be starting a new part time job when I get back, and I will be moving completely out of my current apartment to some place new.

It all seems to roll on top of each other. It all feel lined up ready to go. This happens first, and then that next, followed by that, and lastly this. Where is there time to breath and think? I just want a few moments of stability and normalcy but I don't think I will have them until I find a place to live and am settled into it. When I no longer walk into my house and see nothing hanging on my walls and when I can't find something I wonder what box I put it in. (then I think about how I have too much stuff and should throw it all away).

That is what my life has been these last few months and the journey keeps going. Who knows what I will have to write about after Cambodia and a summer full of weddings, moving, and starting a new job...we will have to wait and see.

The journey

I am going to Cambodia. I have been accepted to go on the trip in June and I am very excited. I am looking forward to diving into this culture and for the first time with different eyes. I will be looking to see if this is where God wants me to come back. Will this be the place I call home for while? Are these the people I will fall in love with and be broken over?

There is a feeling of adventure and also truth swirled together. It is something new and something that will change everything in my life. Even if God directs me not to go back to Cambodia it doesn't matter. What ever path he has laid before me I will walk, I will run, and I will dance on until He tells me differently. So I have joy, fear, and anticipation. And I am going.

chaos

I'm pretty sure that there is a lesson to be learned in my life right now. I am the type of person who likes structure and order. I have a calendar with reminders about my meetings and I write things down so I don't forget where I have to be and what is going on. Yet in the last month my life each week seems to give me a new surprise. Not just in my job but also personally.

On the job front I think I am getting a taste of anything I have not yet experienced in my job. It started with the fire and earlier this week I had to deal with a huge mental health issue. Someone asked me what all was on the list of things I have not yet dealt with. What? Are you crazy? That's just asking for more stuff to keep getting piled on. I didn't say that to them...I laughed and said I was not making a list. I just know the things I have been dealing with I have not had to deal with yet and other people have.

Personally I am looking at taking a trip overseas to see if that is where God wants me and yet knowing I will have to be moving out of my apartment and needing a job and have no idea what that is going to look like. Yet here I am walking in it...sitting in it...waiting in it. But I know that God is in it. That is where my peace comes in the chaos. I feel like laughing about the situation I am in. Because in the end if God is asking me to leave it is because he knows where I need to go...and that gives me a great amount of peace and joy.

Change

Beginning August 1st I will no longer have a job (currently speaking). In the last few weeks God has begun to help me see that it is time I leave. This is something that is hard and yet exciting all wrapped into one. There are many things I will miss about being where I am and working with the students I love. But on the other side I get to learn who I am apart from this place. It has become home and for that I feel blessed, but I can't stay here forever.

I have passions and gifts that God has given me that I can't use here and feel frustrated at times because I'm not sure how to use them here. But the problem is they are so much a part of me that in not using them I start to forget the dream of why I have them. I don't want to reach a place in my life when I can't dream any more. I want dreams that might come true and ones that probably never will.

God has been so faithful in helping me walk through this process of letting go. I sat with a friend and as we talked she was able to speak such truth into my heart and remind me of the things about myself I had lost sight of. She helped me talk through all the pieces and ways that God has been preparing me for this moment in my life. And she challenged me to live more boldly, to call the people I want to work for and ask them for a job. To embrace the adventure of leaving because that is a part of myself I don't always get to live out of.

So I begin the process of saying good-bye. Good-bye to the place that has given me tons of laughter and tears, cherished friends and hours of entertainment, a place that has challenged my mind, heart, and soul. A place where I learned who God is and how much He loves me. A place that has been preparing me for the next step as I waited for God's direction. Now it is time to take that step.

Depth

I love the depth of friendship. The only analogy that seems to fit is wine, somethings just get better with age. I am learning how that is true in friendship. There is something that happens in life during college when you live with people. True, they are the ones you choose to live with and you love getting back to your room to share that funny story or piece of news. But they are also the people who you get mad at and can't understand how they could forget again.

Yet beyond that there are shared memories of nights laughing, playing games, watching movies, crying together, weddings, and other life steps. Something happens and when you get together you have this amazing vault of memories that seem endless. Each one remembered a little differently by each person. Each memory needing the other pieces to truly be complete. I spend time with some of my friends and realize that what makes our friendship easy is knowing they are a part of my past and my future. No matter who I have been or where I am going they are there.

They have helped me become the person I am which influences who I will be. I feel so blessed to be given such a treasure in my life. I love laughing with them, roasting marshmallows with them, singing loudly with the radio with them, and anything else you can think of. The time we have never feels like enough but always just right.

Fall

Fall is finally here. It thought about coming but then jumped back to summer. (This being seen in days of 80 degree's). But last night someone stopped in to borrow blankets for the soccer game...yes, fall is finally here. As I walked on the track this morning I loved watching the sun chase away the darkness. If you have never watched a sunrise I would highly suggest it. It is amazing to watch how quickly the light dissolves the darkness and the colors that fill the sky.

If you don't know Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I like it getting warm during the day but cooling off at night. I love the trees turning colors and the smells that come; pumpkin, cinnamon, and spices. But maybe what I enjoy the most is the anticipation of the seasons. Not the weather pattern seasons but Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is a time of reflection and rest. A time to gather with family and friends and be reminded not only of what we are Thankful for but taking time to think about the Gift God gave us.

The little things in life

There are little things in life that bring me much joy in my job. Let me share of few of them...

1. A student not wanting to loose their parking spot so they put a cone up when they leave (this was not successful, his friend took his parking spot)
2. Going on-line to look up free things you can get and signing up a friend with out them knowing. (the guy who told me this said he got women's health magazine's, etc. for his friend...who is a guy)
3. Having a guy make a complete fool of himself for no apparent reason other then completely not caring what other's think of him.
4. I taught a guy how to play MASH (not the TV show) and he loved it.

Somethings you just can't put a price tag on :)

process

Embrace the journey...ok, I can do that. But wait...why am I coming back in my journey to things I have already processed and walked through? I'm sorry, excuse me...there must be a mistake! Oh wait...life is one giant process of learning to die to me and live in freedom through Christ.

I am learning that this means sometimes we have to go through things we think is taken care of because there is a deeper level of healing that God wants us to walk through. I know it doesn't make sense to me, but that is what I love about it. I don't want it to make sense because that's not the God I love and serve. He asks radical things of us and things that don't make sense because He knows the bigger picture of life.

Be encouraged and know that embracing the journey and asking what God is trying to teach you will be much more rewarding then simply trying to fight it off. It is happening, go along and be changed.

Last days of summer

Well I have seen the world and am now back home. (And yes...Indiana has become home) I am trying to hold on to and squeeze what I can out of my last days of summer. I love sleeping in and doing what I need to each day...which sometimes involves me sitting outside soaking up sunshine and reading a book. Summer always seems so simple to me...a time to step back and get outside. People are more relaxed and less on edge, we smile more and seem to laugh easier.

I enjoyed stepping out of my world this summer and seeing people in other countries. Watching them live their lives not knowing it is so different then mine. One of my favorite places was in Belgium. They ride their bikes everywhere and I loved it. When we were in the Netherlands I took one of my favorite pictures of the trip. (shown above) To me it is what I want my life to be simple and uncomplicated. Getting back to not just a simpler life but also a simpler faith and walk with God.

He calls us to come to Him as children. Not holding back or shrinking with fear but learning to jump into our Father's arms with no fear of being dropped but just knowing the sheer joy of being lifted high up and celebrated in the arms of the One who loves us more then any other ever could. Be encouraged by children in your life. The blessing they brings is in the way they help us rediscover the world with new eyes as ours have grown accustom to the surroundings. May we never loose the simple joy of seeing God as He is all around us.

Home again

I had an amazing time on my trip. I had fun people I traveled with and a family that treated me like a daughter. By far the most amazing part of my trip had to do with God :) He showed up in big ways in my life. He taught me more about who He is and revealed how He is in the business of healing us and how He so longs for and desires this for us in our lives.

I have struggled with God in trusting His process of healing at times. I can become frustrated and want to go about it a different way. What makes me the authority on healing? This time around I willingly laid my heart down and told God that what ever He wanted for me I would obey. God is so good. My favorite moments with God included one night as I lay in bed trying to sleep even though the room was not air conditioned and my body felt on fire. I kept thinking about how my body wasn't cooling down and how I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to start to pray to pass time. In those moments God shared with my heart a verse from Isaiah that talks about us walking through fire and not being burned, the flames will not consume us.

This was a very relevant verse because I felt like I was on fire and also that reminder that when God is walking with us through hard times He will heal us and take care of us in ways we can't even imagine. For one of the first times in my life I am walking away from a 6 week time frame and can see how in that time God healed my heart and helped me learn how to let go of control and wanting to control things in my life.

Germany

I have arrived in Germany. I have been here almost a week and I love it. The people I'm staying with have made me feel right at home. The country side is beautiful as well. I sit on the back patio in the morning doing my devotions breathing in the clean air and sounds of nature that surround me. It feels great to be here.

This past weekend me and two of my friends went to Munich and a couple other small towns. The history and beauty of these towns is breath taking. It was fun going into the city, hard when we went to the concentration camp, and up-lifting as we hiked in the Alps this morning. God is every where. I love seeing Him here in so many things.

Summer

Well this maybe my last post for a good long while :) I leave on Sunday to see the "old country" if you will. I am going to Europe! I am very excited about this. It is going to be awesome to see history and another part of God's creation as well as spend time out of this state. I am looking forward to not having my cell phone and not being able to check my e-mail everyday.

I am ready for a break from my life...basically :) Today is my last day of work for the year and as I sit here finishing things up in my office I am ready to walk out my door and not come back for a couple months. I need this time away. I need time to remember who I am away from my job and enjoy being around people who are not college students. I love my job but I know I will enjoy it more after this summer.

I hope everyone who reads this will also have a great summer and find time to discover what God is trying to teach you in the next couple of months.

Counting down the days

Time is slowly and yet quickly slipping away. I said good bye to the last of my residents...which is a nice feeling because this is the first time in 2.5 years that I am not responsible for anyone else! (kudos to parents) It feels good to know that I am finishing up what I need to for work and then I am done. I even started packing today for my trip. I know this might sound like I am jumping the gun but I don't want to leave it all for the last minute.

Also with some of my packing I have to take stuff to my parents this weekend so I have it when I meet up with them later this summer...so I have the fun of figuring out what I need for 6 weeks, what I need for the last two weeks of the summer, and what I need to go camping this weekend :) And I have to admit there is a part of me that is really enjoying figuring this all out.

So from right now I have 10 days till I leave on my plane. I am excited for the adventure and time to just be myself!

Obey

Lesson to learn: If God asks you to do something and you say "nay...I already said I'm doing ____" God will get you where He wants you to be. Sometimes God has to use other means to get us to listen. Keep in mind that our Heavenly Father knows exactly how we will hear Him. Granted for me it was nothing serious other then some physical pain for a couple of days, but it is then a reminder to me of two things- 1. God chastises those He loves and 2. OBEY. No really, obey God!

I do think it is good for our pride to do our own things and for God to shake His head, smile (with Love), and then help us listen better. The reminder to us that God is in control and He loves us so much He doesn't want us to forget we really can't do this thing called LIFE with out Him. And personally I really don't want to try to get through LIFE with out Him.