chaos

I'm pretty sure that there is a lesson to be learned in my life right now. I am the type of person who likes structure and order. I have a calendar with reminders about my meetings and I write things down so I don't forget where I have to be and what is going on. Yet in the last month my life each week seems to give me a new surprise. Not just in my job but also personally.

On the job front I think I am getting a taste of anything I have not yet experienced in my job. It started with the fire and earlier this week I had to deal with a huge mental health issue. Someone asked me what all was on the list of things I have not yet dealt with. What? Are you crazy? That's just asking for more stuff to keep getting piled on. I didn't say that to them...I laughed and said I was not making a list. I just know the things I have been dealing with I have not had to deal with yet and other people have.

Personally I am looking at taking a trip overseas to see if that is where God wants me and yet knowing I will have to be moving out of my apartment and needing a job and have no idea what that is going to look like. Yet here I am walking in it...sitting in it...waiting in it. But I know that God is in it. That is where my peace comes in the chaos. I feel like laughing about the situation I am in. Because in the end if God is asking me to leave it is because he knows where I need to go...and that gives me a great amount of peace and joy.

Change

Beginning August 1st I will no longer have a job (currently speaking). In the last few weeks God has begun to help me see that it is time I leave. This is something that is hard and yet exciting all wrapped into one. There are many things I will miss about being where I am and working with the students I love. But on the other side I get to learn who I am apart from this place. It has become home and for that I feel blessed, but I can't stay here forever.

I have passions and gifts that God has given me that I can't use here and feel frustrated at times because I'm not sure how to use them here. But the problem is they are so much a part of me that in not using them I start to forget the dream of why I have them. I don't want to reach a place in my life when I can't dream any more. I want dreams that might come true and ones that probably never will.

God has been so faithful in helping me walk through this process of letting go. I sat with a friend and as we talked she was able to speak such truth into my heart and remind me of the things about myself I had lost sight of. She helped me talk through all the pieces and ways that God has been preparing me for this moment in my life. And she challenged me to live more boldly, to call the people I want to work for and ask them for a job. To embrace the adventure of leaving because that is a part of myself I don't always get to live out of.

So I begin the process of saying good-bye. Good-bye to the place that has given me tons of laughter and tears, cherished friends and hours of entertainment, a place that has challenged my mind, heart, and soul. A place where I learned who God is and how much He loves me. A place that has been preparing me for the next step as I waited for God's direction. Now it is time to take that step.

Depth

I love the depth of friendship. The only analogy that seems to fit is wine, somethings just get better with age. I am learning how that is true in friendship. There is something that happens in life during college when you live with people. True, they are the ones you choose to live with and you love getting back to your room to share that funny story or piece of news. But they are also the people who you get mad at and can't understand how they could forget again.

Yet beyond that there are shared memories of nights laughing, playing games, watching movies, crying together, weddings, and other life steps. Something happens and when you get together you have this amazing vault of memories that seem endless. Each one remembered a little differently by each person. Each memory needing the other pieces to truly be complete. I spend time with some of my friends and realize that what makes our friendship easy is knowing they are a part of my past and my future. No matter who I have been or where I am going they are there.

They have helped me become the person I am which influences who I will be. I feel so blessed to be given such a treasure in my life. I love laughing with them, roasting marshmallows with them, singing loudly with the radio with them, and anything else you can think of. The time we have never feels like enough but always just right.

Fall

Fall is finally here. It thought about coming but then jumped back to summer. (This being seen in days of 80 degree's). But last night someone stopped in to borrow blankets for the soccer game...yes, fall is finally here. As I walked on the track this morning I loved watching the sun chase away the darkness. If you have never watched a sunrise I would highly suggest it. It is amazing to watch how quickly the light dissolves the darkness and the colors that fill the sky.

If you don't know Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I like it getting warm during the day but cooling off at night. I love the trees turning colors and the smells that come; pumpkin, cinnamon, and spices. But maybe what I enjoy the most is the anticipation of the seasons. Not the weather pattern seasons but Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is a time of reflection and rest. A time to gather with family and friends and be reminded not only of what we are Thankful for but taking time to think about the Gift God gave us.

The little things in life

There are little things in life that bring me much joy in my job. Let me share of few of them...

1. A student not wanting to loose their parking spot so they put a cone up when they leave (this was not successful, his friend took his parking spot)
2. Going on-line to look up free things you can get and signing up a friend with out them knowing. (the guy who told me this said he got women's health magazine's, etc. for his friend...who is a guy)
3. Having a guy make a complete fool of himself for no apparent reason other then completely not caring what other's think of him.
4. I taught a guy how to play MASH (not the TV show) and he loved it.

Somethings you just can't put a price tag on :)

process

Embrace the journey...ok, I can do that. But wait...why am I coming back in my journey to things I have already processed and walked through? I'm sorry, excuse me...there must be a mistake! Oh wait...life is one giant process of learning to die to me and live in freedom through Christ.

I am learning that this means sometimes we have to go through things we think is taken care of because there is a deeper level of healing that God wants us to walk through. I know it doesn't make sense to me, but that is what I love about it. I don't want it to make sense because that's not the God I love and serve. He asks radical things of us and things that don't make sense because He knows the bigger picture of life.

Be encouraged and know that embracing the journey and asking what God is trying to teach you will be much more rewarding then simply trying to fight it off. It is happening, go along and be changed.

Last days of summer

Well I have seen the world and am now back home. (And yes...Indiana has become home) I am trying to hold on to and squeeze what I can out of my last days of summer. I love sleeping in and doing what I need to each day...which sometimes involves me sitting outside soaking up sunshine and reading a book. Summer always seems so simple to me...a time to step back and get outside. People are more relaxed and less on edge, we smile more and seem to laugh easier.

I enjoyed stepping out of my world this summer and seeing people in other countries. Watching them live their lives not knowing it is so different then mine. One of my favorite places was in Belgium. They ride their bikes everywhere and I loved it. When we were in the Netherlands I took one of my favorite pictures of the trip. (shown above) To me it is what I want my life to be simple and uncomplicated. Getting back to not just a simpler life but also a simpler faith and walk with God.

He calls us to come to Him as children. Not holding back or shrinking with fear but learning to jump into our Father's arms with no fear of being dropped but just knowing the sheer joy of being lifted high up and celebrated in the arms of the One who loves us more then any other ever could. Be encouraged by children in your life. The blessing they brings is in the way they help us rediscover the world with new eyes as ours have grown accustom to the surroundings. May we never loose the simple joy of seeing God as He is all around us.

Home again

I had an amazing time on my trip. I had fun people I traveled with and a family that treated me like a daughter. By far the most amazing part of my trip had to do with God :) He showed up in big ways in my life. He taught me more about who He is and revealed how He is in the business of healing us and how He so longs for and desires this for us in our lives.

I have struggled with God in trusting His process of healing at times. I can become frustrated and want to go about it a different way. What makes me the authority on healing? This time around I willingly laid my heart down and told God that what ever He wanted for me I would obey. God is so good. My favorite moments with God included one night as I lay in bed trying to sleep even though the room was not air conditioned and my body felt on fire. I kept thinking about how my body wasn't cooling down and how I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to start to pray to pass time. In those moments God shared with my heart a verse from Isaiah that talks about us walking through fire and not being burned, the flames will not consume us.

This was a very relevant verse because I felt like I was on fire and also that reminder that when God is walking with us through hard times He will heal us and take care of us in ways we can't even imagine. For one of the first times in my life I am walking away from a 6 week time frame and can see how in that time God healed my heart and helped me learn how to let go of control and wanting to control things in my life.

Germany

I have arrived in Germany. I have been here almost a week and I love it. The people I'm staying with have made me feel right at home. The country side is beautiful as well. I sit on the back patio in the morning doing my devotions breathing in the clean air and sounds of nature that surround me. It feels great to be here.

This past weekend me and two of my friends went to Munich and a couple other small towns. The history and beauty of these towns is breath taking. It was fun going into the city, hard when we went to the concentration camp, and up-lifting as we hiked in the Alps this morning. God is every where. I love seeing Him here in so many things.

Summer

Well this maybe my last post for a good long while :) I leave on Sunday to see the "old country" if you will. I am going to Europe! I am very excited about this. It is going to be awesome to see history and another part of God's creation as well as spend time out of this state. I am looking forward to not having my cell phone and not being able to check my e-mail everyday.

I am ready for a break from my life...basically :) Today is my last day of work for the year and as I sit here finishing things up in my office I am ready to walk out my door and not come back for a couple months. I need this time away. I need time to remember who I am away from my job and enjoy being around people who are not college students. I love my job but I know I will enjoy it more after this summer.

I hope everyone who reads this will also have a great summer and find time to discover what God is trying to teach you in the next couple of months.

Counting down the days

Time is slowly and yet quickly slipping away. I said good bye to the last of my residents...which is a nice feeling because this is the first time in 2.5 years that I am not responsible for anyone else! (kudos to parents) It feels good to know that I am finishing up what I need to for work and then I am done. I even started packing today for my trip. I know this might sound like I am jumping the gun but I don't want to leave it all for the last minute.

Also with some of my packing I have to take stuff to my parents this weekend so I have it when I meet up with them later this summer...so I have the fun of figuring out what I need for 6 weeks, what I need for the last two weeks of the summer, and what I need to go camping this weekend :) And I have to admit there is a part of me that is really enjoying figuring this all out.

So from right now I have 10 days till I leave on my plane. I am excited for the adventure and time to just be myself!

Obey

Lesson to learn: If God asks you to do something and you say "nay...I already said I'm doing ____" God will get you where He wants you to be. Sometimes God has to use other means to get us to listen. Keep in mind that our Heavenly Father knows exactly how we will hear Him. Granted for me it was nothing serious other then some physical pain for a couple of days, but it is then a reminder to me of two things- 1. God chastises those He loves and 2. OBEY. No really, obey God!

I do think it is good for our pride to do our own things and for God to shake His head, smile (with Love), and then help us listen better. The reminder to us that God is in control and He loves us so much He doesn't want us to forget we really can't do this thing called LIFE with out Him. And personally I really don't want to try to get through LIFE with out Him.

May 13th

The day is finally on the horizon :) I'm getting Lasik surgery!! This means no more contacts or glasses! I am very excited about this but also a little scare...I don't really enjoy "going under the knife" if you will. I like to think it steams back to when I was 4/5 and had to get surgery on my tongue. That was back in the day before dissolving stitches so I had to go back to the Dr. and he pulled them out of my mouth...while I was awake.

The nice thing about this surgery is no stitches and it only takes about 15 seconds per eye...yes that is correct in less then 1 minute my eyes will be fixed! I got to watch a friend have this surgery which helped a lot and I am glad I won't have to pack contact solution or glasses in my luggage for this summer!

Graduation

Today I graduate! I have to admit I didn't know if I could post everyday but enjoyed doing it. These last 26 days have gone by very fast for me. This afternoon I will receive my hood, I will have a dedication service, and then will walk across the stage one more time and receive my diploma. I am excited but also slightly sad. I enjoy school...which may mean going on to get my doctorate :) but I'm not ready to think about that yet.

My family and friends are coming today and tomorrow to help me celebrate and I am so thankful for all the support in the last three years. Every person who has walked this journey with me has been a true blessing in my life.

1 Day

The craziness has begun. Yesterday was spent helping my staff with any issues that came up checking people out. I had to also set up and run our RA picnic. It is an end of the year thank you to all our staff members for the hard work and tough job they have to do all year. This year me and another RD made it themed :) It was Field Day...such as from Elementary school. That's right we went "old school". We had T-shirts and ribbons as well as tickets they could turn in for prizes. It was a lot of fun and went over really well. I will be honest in saying I was struggling a bit because large crowds do overwhelm me, but I was fine once we got into it.

Also yesterday I acquired a TV. I am not yet sure how I feel about this. I did go and buy a DVD/VCR last night and watched a Bug's life with one of my girls. I'm sure I'll have more to say about this later but right now I don't have time to really process it. (For those who don't know I did a media fast for 1 year, 2 years ago and have not had a TV in my apartment for the last 3 years.)

Today is promising to be busy as well. I will be checking out my entire staff from their apartments and walking through my whole area. I will be saying my good-bye's and hopefully get some down time tonight with my family.

3 Days

Today has been pretty crazy. I am doing all the last minute stuff to help my staff with check out's by answering questions and sending them reminders of what to make sure they are doing. It is hard for me because it is AMAZING outside right now!

Stress- is lifting, everyday is getting better and better. I am having good conversations to help peel off the different layers of my feelings and emotions that got caught up in everything. I am feel much more functional and stable over all :) I know that the last few weeks have been hard but I have been encouraged by them. I can see how I am handling things differently in my life which means growth and I have this sense that God is going to use this to produce something very good in my life. I'm not sure what that will look like but I know something good will come of all of it.

I am getting more excited about Saturday and have even been able to think more about traveling this summer and getting excited about that as well.

4 Days

Today has just begun but I have already decided it is going to be a good day. Here are the reasons why...
1. The sun was shinning and it was warm at 7:30 this morning
2. I am not wearing or have a coat with me
3. I have no homework...at all...ever again!
4. I get to spend time with the RD's today
5. It is warm outside
6. I have Bible study tonight and get to spend time with some amazing women
7. God's loves me and is taking care of me
8. The sun is shinning :)

I guess what other reasons do you really need? Though I have a feeling the whole "being done with school" feeling won't really hit until this fall when everyone else is going back to school. This is what I have heard from different people.

5 days

I am done :) Officially! I took my last final this afternoon and did well on it. (we graded it in class) Then I went and had a fully body deep tissue massage...let me just say, if you have never done this for yourself, you should. It felt wonderful and helped me relax. As I am sitting down to dinner tonight I realized I have not interacted with students all day. Now on the one hand I could feel guilty about this but on the other hand I have been under a lot of stress and it felt good to just take care of myself today.

Granted I still did my job...just over e-mail :) I am planning on having a relaxing evening to round out my day. The rest of the week is going to be pretty busy and I need my rest. I know this week is going to go by fast...and I can honestly say I am very excited about Saturday.

6 Days

Another afternoon of Ultimate Frisbee...what more could a girl ask for :) I take my last final tomorrow and then I'm done! I just want it over with. I have a lot going on this week and am focusing on each day the things that I need to do.

At this point in the semester I am struggling with feeling so weak. I can't make logical sense of my emotions and know that major changes always come with the end of the year. I know peace, quite, and rest is what my body needs but a little part of me is scared that even that won't refresh my soul.

One of my friends helped me sort through my thoughts yesterday and reminded me that somethings in my life can wait till after this week. That was a big release to me. I needed to hear that.

7 days

A week from today I will graduate. I am excited for this to come but am aware of everything I have to get through this week first. This week will be hard, saying good bye always is. I am ready for the slow pace and absence of homework and classes...but I will miss my staff. I am excited because some of them will be on my staff next year again.

Change can at times be very hard for me. Yet I can usually see God's grace in helping prepare me for it. This doesn't always mean it isn't hard just that I can see God working in it and know He is there with me.

The concert last night was AMAZING just so everyone who reads this knows :) A Friday night well spent :)