Graduation

Today I graduate! I have to admit I didn't know if I could post everyday but enjoyed doing it. These last 26 days have gone by very fast for me. This afternoon I will receive my hood, I will have a dedication service, and then will walk across the stage one more time and receive my diploma. I am excited but also slightly sad. I enjoy school...which may mean going on to get my doctorate :) but I'm not ready to think about that yet.

My family and friends are coming today and tomorrow to help me celebrate and I am so thankful for all the support in the last three years. Every person who has walked this journey with me has been a true blessing in my life.

1 Day

The craziness has begun. Yesterday was spent helping my staff with any issues that came up checking people out. I had to also set up and run our RA picnic. It is an end of the year thank you to all our staff members for the hard work and tough job they have to do all year. This year me and another RD made it themed :) It was Field Day...such as from Elementary school. That's right we went "old school". We had T-shirts and ribbons as well as tickets they could turn in for prizes. It was a lot of fun and went over really well. I will be honest in saying I was struggling a bit because large crowds do overwhelm me, but I was fine once we got into it.

Also yesterday I acquired a TV. I am not yet sure how I feel about this. I did go and buy a DVD/VCR last night and watched a Bug's life with one of my girls. I'm sure I'll have more to say about this later but right now I don't have time to really process it. (For those who don't know I did a media fast for 1 year, 2 years ago and have not had a TV in my apartment for the last 3 years.)

Today is promising to be busy as well. I will be checking out my entire staff from their apartments and walking through my whole area. I will be saying my good-bye's and hopefully get some down time tonight with my family.

3 Days

Today has been pretty crazy. I am doing all the last minute stuff to help my staff with check out's by answering questions and sending them reminders of what to make sure they are doing. It is hard for me because it is AMAZING outside right now!

Stress- is lifting, everyday is getting better and better. I am having good conversations to help peel off the different layers of my feelings and emotions that got caught up in everything. I am feel much more functional and stable over all :) I know that the last few weeks have been hard but I have been encouraged by them. I can see how I am handling things differently in my life which means growth and I have this sense that God is going to use this to produce something very good in my life. I'm not sure what that will look like but I know something good will come of all of it.

I am getting more excited about Saturday and have even been able to think more about traveling this summer and getting excited about that as well.

4 Days

Today has just begun but I have already decided it is going to be a good day. Here are the reasons why...
1. The sun was shinning and it was warm at 7:30 this morning
2. I am not wearing or have a coat with me
3. I have no homework...at all...ever again!
4. I get to spend time with the RD's today
5. It is warm outside
6. I have Bible study tonight and get to spend time with some amazing women
7. God's loves me and is taking care of me
8. The sun is shinning :)

I guess what other reasons do you really need? Though I have a feeling the whole "being done with school" feeling won't really hit until this fall when everyone else is going back to school. This is what I have heard from different people.

5 days

I am done :) Officially! I took my last final this afternoon and did well on it. (we graded it in class) Then I went and had a fully body deep tissue massage...let me just say, if you have never done this for yourself, you should. It felt wonderful and helped me relax. As I am sitting down to dinner tonight I realized I have not interacted with students all day. Now on the one hand I could feel guilty about this but on the other hand I have been under a lot of stress and it felt good to just take care of myself today.

Granted I still did my job...just over e-mail :) I am planning on having a relaxing evening to round out my day. The rest of the week is going to be pretty busy and I need my rest. I know this week is going to go by fast...and I can honestly say I am very excited about Saturday.

6 Days

Another afternoon of Ultimate Frisbee...what more could a girl ask for :) I take my last final tomorrow and then I'm done! I just want it over with. I have a lot going on this week and am focusing on each day the things that I need to do.

At this point in the semester I am struggling with feeling so weak. I can't make logical sense of my emotions and know that major changes always come with the end of the year. I know peace, quite, and rest is what my body needs but a little part of me is scared that even that won't refresh my soul.

One of my friends helped me sort through my thoughts yesterday and reminded me that somethings in my life can wait till after this week. That was a big release to me. I needed to hear that.

7 days

A week from today I will graduate. I am excited for this to come but am aware of everything I have to get through this week first. This week will be hard, saying good bye always is. I am ready for the slow pace and absence of homework and classes...but I will miss my staff. I am excited because some of them will be on my staff next year again.

Change can at times be very hard for me. Yet I can usually see God's grace in helping prepare me for it. This doesn't always mean it isn't hard just that I can see God working in it and know He is there with me.

The concert last night was AMAZING just so everyone who reads this knows :) A Friday night well spent :)

8 Days

Today I rejoice :) I feel as though God helped me release this friend situation in my life. I feel awakened and free from them. (which means it might not have been healthy to begin with). Regardless I will be speaking to this person about how they hurt me (I don't think they know).

I would say I woke up this morning happy...but I jumped out of bed at 5:45 because of an earthquake (yes I'm not making this up...it was on the news) thinking someone was on my roof. Then I feel back asleep and had a terrible dream of being held as a hostage with this couple who by all appearances was treating me very well, they just wouldn't let me leave. Not the best way to start the day :) Yet tonight I am going to a concert and spending time with friends I haven't seen for a while (I"m getting off campus!!!!! :) ) and I know this is what my weary soul needs.

Sometimes you need to remember who you are and what makes you feel alive. :) I am also now very very excited about graduating!!!!!

9 Days

The sun is shining, it is warm outside, and God is good. There is still hurt in my life, but I was reminded today the value of who I am, who God is creating me to be, and I believe it! This is exciting to me, even though the hurt in my life is big...God is bigger! I was also reminded that sometimes we have to be wounded to heal. God is so good, He is walking with me in this, and I find myself spending more and more time with HIM. I want to be in His presence.

I also like the Chris Rice song that has these lyrics:
Sometimes the way is lonely,
it's steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and in pours the rain
Cry to Jesus, Cry to Jesus, Cry to Jesus and Live

Today has been hard and yet it is ok. It will be ok. There really is always Hope :)

10 Days

Today is my day off, which ended up being a good thing because today was not a good day. My heart hurts, not just in the emotional sense but physically last night and today my heart has felt squeezed in my chest. I had a good day yesterday followed by some disheartening news. I felt today spinning out of my control.

I have cried, been very angry, climbed back in bed after being up, going my church and praying, and then sitting with a friend who let me sit in my pain. I have been wounded by a friend. Someone I was told to trust and yet they have hurt me in a way I never thought they would. God has been reminding me of Grace and forgiveness. I am praying that God would save me from myself, I don't want to be angry and bitter. Those emotions simply cover the hurt...I need to sit in it. People make choices, sometimes not considering others. Granted I am not running out to spend time with this person...I need distance and time to sort through things.

The amazing part to all of this is God's perfect timing. He has been preparing me to hear this news for the last week and a half. He didn't let me find out on a day I couldn't handle it. And for the first time in my life I am ok with being sad...to sit in it and know that I will not be overwhelmed by it. To watch the body of Christ surround me and try to hold me in it.

God's truth is that there is always hope. It will hurt for a while but the sun always shines after the rain.

11 Days

Today I got excited about being done! And today was good, I had fun and even though I am feeling kind of wiped out right now I'm going to go home, rest, eat dinner, and get my final chapter read for my class.

God has been pouring out His blessings in my life and I feel so loved watching the body of Christ surround me and take care of me. Things I could never had seen if I had not been vulnerable with how I was feeling. The sun is shinning and even though my soul still feels weary, I have hope and know that I made it through today and I will make it through tomorrow as well.

12 Days

The finish line is in view. I can see it but can't quite look at it yet. Right now I am focusing on each day, what I need to do, who I need to meet with, and what can wait. I still feel really tired and am emotionally spent. God blessed me with sending some very intentional people for me to run into after lunch. They all listened and I know they love me and care about me a lot. I also got an amazing card from some of my friends that made me laugh.

On the front:

Women: Can give birth, Can organize kids' activities and transportation, Can effectively balance career and household, Can communicate, Can empathize with other, Can uplift, give support, comfort, advise, share, aid, cheer, connect, calm, care, nurture, and embrace.

Men: Can pee standing up

Inside of card: We Win!

No offence to the guys out there but I loved it...and the fact that my friends didn't write in the card or on the envelope...they used post it notes so I can re-use the card :) It makes me smile just thinking about it.

13 Days

My test is done, two more finals and all of my school stuff will be completed. I can't believe it is almost here. I remember having moments always wanting Graduation to come and would encourage myself with "one more year" "last internship" "one more semester" and now it is in a matter of days.

My test went fine, it took me a little over 2 hours to answer 200 questions. I hung out with friends last night to celebrate and by 9pm I was pretty spent. I know my body is still unwinding from Thursday and have been working to keep things very low stress the last couple of days. With today being the Sabbath it wouldn't be too hard, I never do homework on Sunday.

So as I sit in my kitchen this morning preparing to go to church I am glad my test is over and am trying to focus on each day as it is in front of me. I realize I feel weak in having to admit to people that I had such a bad day on Thursday but am reminded that being strong is not always the person who holds everything together.

15 Days

Well tomorrow is the big test day. My life is stressed out and I am completely calm about taking this test. I know I might have some test anxiety tomorrow but right now I am looking forward to crawling into my bed, possibly running in the morning, and then being done with it. I just want it to be over.

In my personal life...I tried to keep today stress free, which helps with keeping myself from feeling overwhelmed. I love watching God work in my life. Things are hard and pressure is high and then God steps in allows me to do what I feel I need to and then turns things around on me. I understand more of what happened and is happening in my life and it makes me smile. Oh, don't get me wrong it is going to be hard and I think that is what makes me sort of glad. So much freedom can come from working through struggles and knowing that it is through my weakness that God will be strong. To HIM be all the Glory and Honor and Praise.

Today I learned to not be ok and to allow others into my weakness...it was quite freeing. No pretence, no trying to stay strong. I am tired and that is ok. No one asked me to be strong I just have it in my head that is what I am suppose to be. Yet if we don't allow other's into our pain how do we make them feel safe to share their pain?

God is good and faithful to those who put their hope and trust in Him. As He reminded me today, there is always Hope.

16 Days

Stress...it is hitting me today. I flirt with the line of feeling burned out and feeling fine a lot. Today I am tipping the scale toward burn out. I hate feeling this way! This means I don't handle the stress well in my life, little things make me want to cry, and I feel very overwhelmed...not a fun way to spend your day. So today is a bad day in that area of my life.

I am working to review today and tomorrow for my exam, but I'm tired. I think I am reaching the point when I would go on autopilot...but I think I've been living on that for so long I have nothing left. I just want to be done and walk away. I have been looking forward to May term and today I can't even think about getting through that as well. I know that this will pass and feel free to pray for me. I don't usually share this with people...my bad days are typically between me and God.

I just make sure to spend time with God releasing everything in my life into His hands and resting in His arms. And then I remember that it is just today, I won't feel this way tomorrow and as I climb into bed tonight I will tell myself that I get to try again tomorrow, it will be ok.

17 Days

My brain is fried...officially :) I got up at 8 and studies till around 6 this evening. I did take breaks, but near the end I couldn't really concentrate that well. I think (in my estimation) I went through about 400 questions today. But I am done with all the questions and can spend the next two days just reviewing over things I need to cement into my brain.

It is amazing to me that there are things I learned at the beginning of my Graduate work that I still remember. Even though it has been a long day I did accomplish a lot...not just in studying. I picked up my apartment, did laundry, washed and put away my dishes, and even left my apartment for a whole 45 mins :) Those things of course were my study breaks.

I am excited about crawling into bed tonight, though tomorrow might be rough. I was playing intermural co-ed Volleyball on Tuesday night and not only took a ball to the face (direct hit) but also landed really hard on my right side and almost got the wind knocked out of me. My body had some aches today, but hopefully that is all the complaining it will do.

18 Days

Well it is crunch time...I have job stuff I have to do as well as trying to fit study time in any time I can. Then of course life happens and I have stuff going on in my personal life as well. God is teaching me a lot about different area's of my life and teaching me about truth and how to speak truth in love.

The past few days have been hard but so amazing! God is so faithful!

3 days till my exam!!!!

19 Days

I did not necessarily forget to blog yesterday I just had too much fun doing other things :) I sat outside for an hour and a half and then played Ultimate Frisbee for 2 hours, walked my friends dog with her for another hour and then had an RD meet and greet time (we are interviewing for positions on campus).

Today I am feeling the crunch time of trying to study every minute I can! But like anything stuff comes up that wants to take my time.

On top of studying God is giving me a lot to process and I have been blessed with friends who speak truth into my life and help me know what I should be doing in these area's of my life. I am excited because they are area's of my life I feel God wants to redeem in my life this year and I have been praying over these areas. So feel free to pray for me with my exam coming up and also courage in doing the things God is calling me to do.

21 Days

Today I decided I really really want a dog. Previous to this day I have kind of wanted a dog...but today tipped the scales. It was 57 degree's outside and I just wanted to take a walk. I use to walk my dog back home in Michigan and I miss walking and talking to my dog as well as praying as I walked. I just wanted to be outside today and I never have anyone to walk with.

My Junior year of college was great because one of the girls I lived with would go for walks with me all the time. It was a great time of exercising as well as fellowship. I miss that...and I really want a dog. So most of my day has been spend with friends, playing racquetball and talking. I have studies my book till the words and sentences no longer make any sense in my head. There is sooooo much information I just keep praying that God will help me remember what I need to remember.

Oh...and my friend I pranked called me a dirty pirate hooker (which made me laugh really hard) and tells me it is on and I am going to get it. I really enjoy causing mischief :) I hope what ever is coming my way is good...I have not had a good prank pulled on me in a while. Who said you have to become mature as an adult?

22 Days

Well I am planning on studying my little butt of this afternoon. For fun we are dressing up in prom dresses, bridesmaid dresses, and suits for our meeting this morning :) Which means study study study later. I hope to get pictures of this wonderful event and maybe post them tomorrow.

Let's be honest sometimes you need to act like you are younger then what you are to forget about the stress in your life. It also helps that I live and work with college students. I appreciate that nothing is really too extreme around here...though I have a hunch I will have a bit of a reality shock when I get out.

Only 7 days till my test!

23 days

To be completely honest I feel myself checking out on school. I have been pushing myself for so long and I know that I don't have to live this way much longer. I am focused on my NCE exam and nothing else seems important. Passing this exam is huge because if I do I will be a certified counselor (scary I know).

I am also just tired today. Last week, this week and next week are full long days. I just want to climb into bed right now and rest (even though it is 4:30 in the afternoon). I know that this will pass, I just am living under last minute, get it done now, type of stress. I'm excited for May!

25 days

Ok...so it has been suggested for me to have a post every day till graduation. I am not going to promise that I can do this; I can get busy and forget :) But for today...

I am done with projects and only have reading to do while I wait for my Study Guide. I take my NCE exam on the 12th...kind of scary to think about. That is the next hurtle I need to jump through before I can breath easy. After April 12th my life will be great or should be :) I had an interesting converstation with a college girl today. She if graduating also from the undergraduate program and wanted to hear about how the transition from college into life was for me. It was great getting to share my heart with her about the path God has brought me on in the last three years.

God has provided so much for me and I feel as though I finally have a glimps and know who I am in Him then I ever have before. I was able to be real with her about the highs and lows of graduating single and living alone right out of college. Through it all it just is always amazing to me to be able to share with people what God is doing in my life and how He will do the same things in their lives if they allow Him to.